So, we have diagnosed the problem with my Notebook - the Conficker computer virus.
The patient is stable, and has been quarantined to the best of my ability.
In other words, the Internet capability of my Notebook has been shut off.
She's doing great. I'm sure she'll pull through, with a massive dose of antivirals, and the tender ministrations of the lady friend, who I am led to believe is some kind of magical wizard. Or, you know, does Computing an university.
Something like that.
Fingers crossed I should be back up and running by tomorrow.