For a module series focused on a fun, anarchic experience, the Pathfinder rules are a terrible fit. Too chunky, not enough leeway, more concerned with simulationism than fun.
Even the non-mechanical assumptions are pretty jarring - there's a whole tribe of goblins looking to score some fireworks, but only 4 of them get to do anything? You're a rag-tag group of the lowest rung of the humanoid ladder, but you're organised into a perfect Fighter-Thief-Cleric-Alchemist combo? You get to compete for magic items the tribe just has laying around?
There's a lot of small things that feel a little off with the modules, so here's the way I want to try it:
- Goblins are the lowest of the low. They roll their stats with 3d6, and have all the usual Goblin traits. Goblins don't get the usual Pathfinder Feats or Traits, and have no Class.
- (It's a stolen joke, but it's a classic)
- They start with 1d4 HP, modded by Constitution.
- Each player also gets two pre-gen backup Goblins, cause this is gonna be a deadly one.
- Goblins are a chaotic, ramshackle lot - each Goblin has to roll for a Name, Trinket, Lucky Frog and Trait on the following tables:
Roll
|
Name
|
Trinket
|
Lucky Frog
|
1-2
|
Addur
|
A single,
half-soggy firework
|
Spotol
|
3-4
|
Aka
|
A bag of salted
slugs
|
Fat Frog
|
5-6
|
Boorgub
|
Hand-sized spider
in a cage (named Stankrush)
|
Dogfinder
|
7-8
|
Chee
|
Jar of pickled
halfling toes just about ready for eating
|
Amfibier
|
9-10
|
Chuffy
|
Halfling-sized
toasting fork
|
Splat
|
11-12
|
Churkus
|
20 feet of rope
with dead moles sewn into it
|
Bitey
|
13-14
|
Drubbus
|
Small silver hand
mirror, in surprisingly good condition
|
Froggy McFrogface
|
15-16
|
Fevva
|
Jar of Dwarven
perfume (half drunk)
|
Squish
|
17-18
|
Gawg
|
Rusty meat hook
(1d4 dmg)
|
Bugeater
|
19-20
|
Geedra
|
Flint and tinder
|
Gump
|
21-22
|
Ghorg
|
Human-sized bridal
veil
|
Shitter
|
23-24
|
Gogmurch
|
Halfling ladies’
corset (AC+1)
|
Stink
|
25-26
|
Goomluga
|
3 metal skewers
(1d3 dmg, throwable)
|
Pigface
|
27-28
|
Gretcha
|
Stuffed raven
|
Really Fat Frog
|
29-30
|
Hibby
|
Bottle of
brine-soaked alligator eyes
|
Barbar
|
31-32
|
Hoglob
|
Child’s doll with
the eyes taken out
|
Lord Frogington
|
33-34
|
Ikky
|
Grappling hook
|
Actually a Toad
|
35-36
|
Irnk
|
3 tindertwigs
|
Boggy
|
37-38
|
Janka
|
Cowbell (worn)
|
Smokey
|
39-40
|
Jurk
|
Homemade Thieves'
Tools
|
Munchmunch
|
41-42
|
Kavak
|
Squashed dried
toad (his previous lucky pet toad)
|
Cobblers
|
43-44
|
Klongy
|
Jar of pickled
fish heads
|
Kick
|
45-46
|
Luckums
|
6 Goblintallow
torches
|
Bubbles
|
47-48
|
Lunthus
|
Almost empty salt
shaker
|
Bip
|
49-50
|
Lupi
|
Pig’s tail jerky
|
Stabber
|
51-52
|
Medge
|
Wooden flute (too
splintery to play without injury)
|
Mad Dug
|
53-54
|
Mogawg
|
Gourd of pickled
leeches just about ready to eat
|
Horsesniffer
|
55-56
|
Mogmurch
|
Skull face mask
(+1 AC, fragile)
|
Shagrat
|
57-58
|
Murch
|
Juicy slug in a
small pot
|
Dunk
|
59-60
|
Namby
|
Metal codpiece,
anatomically correct (+1AC)
|
Goose
|
61-62
|
Nurpus
|
Heavily-soiled
Human-sized Jester’s hat
|
Spits
|
63-64
|
Olba
|
Pumpkin-head
lantern
|
Warty
|
65-66
|
Ooft
|
Black eyepatch
(with hole cut in it to see)
|
Blob
|
67-68
|
Pogus
|
Hard leather boot
(used as belt pouch)
|
Windy
|
69-70
|
Poog
|
Bag of incredibly
weevil-infested flour
|
FIRETOAD
|
71-72
|
Rempy
|
Ancestral
dogslicer, stolen (1d6 dmg)
|
Hairy
|
73-74
|
Reta
|
A very thick piece
of charcoal
|
Jarp
|
75-76
|
Ronk
|
A stick. It's very sharp. (1d4 dmg)
|
Looky Lou
|
77-78
|
Ruxi
|
A bag of spotted
blue mushrooms (DC11 Fort save or 1d6 Int dmg and hallucinations)
|
Sticky
|
79-80
|
Rotfoot
|
Lucky charm
necklace made of Halfling ears
|
Slipper-Slide
|
81-82
|
Scroff
|
Large wooden spoon
(1d3 dmg)
|
Smudge
|
83-84
|
Sweetums
|
Stone skinning
knife (1d4 dmg, fragile)
|
Bonk
|
85-86
|
Unk
|
3 dead rats
|
Maggiepie
|
87-88
|
Urub
|
Metal brazier
torch (1d4 dmg plus fire)
|
Plop
|
89-90
|
Vogun
|
Brass trumpet
(well out of tune)
|
Parp
|
91-92
|
Vruta
|
Rattleshirt of
small animal bones (+1 AC)
|
Lurky
|
93-94
|
Yalla
|
RICHES (1gp)
|
Egg
|
95-96
|
Ziku
|
Jar of goblin
urine, well aged (causes sickness)
|
Snoopy
|
97-98
|
Zobmaggle
|
Halfling-sized
powdered wig
|
Wakka
|
99-100
|
Zord
|
Human-sized wand (1d3 charges of a random 1st level spell)
|
Soggy
|
Roll
|
Trait
|
1-4
|
Dog-Sniff-Hate - you gain Scent, but only for dogs and dog-like creatures.
|
5-8
|
Balloon-Headed - your head is way too big. +1 to
Perception
|
9-12
|
DOG PUNCHER - +1
to hit and +2 damage vs dogs
|
13-16
|
Pustular - you got
the Pox. Advantage on Fort saves vs Sickening/Nausea
|
17-20
|
Goblin Stupidity -
gain +1 to hit when fighting foes larger than you.
|
21-24
|
Goblin Bravery - first to run, last to die. +2 to Initiative
|
25-28
|
Bouncy - your
bones are rubbery. Falls count as 10' shorter.
|
29-32
|
Ankle Biter - your
teeth are sharp. Gain a bite attack
(1d4 dmg)
|
33-36
|
Ugly - you are
hideously scarred. +2 to Intimidate
|
37-40
|
Pyromaniac -
you're used to getting set on fire. It is not your friend. Gain Fire Resistance 2.
|
41-44
|
Rager - you were
born with a tiny, green fury in your heart. Gain Rage as a 1st-lvl Barbarian,
but you can't tell friend from foe.
|
44-48
|
BURN BURN BURN -
you love fire. Fire is your only friend. You do 1d4 extra damage
with fire.
|
49-52
|
Easy Rider - you
know just the right chokeholds to stay on a mount. +2 to Ride
|
53-56
|
Coward - you know
just how to get out of fights. +4 to initiative, but you must pass a DC13
Will Save to get into combat in the first place.
|
57-60
|
Oversized - you're
a biggun! +2 Str, Medium size
|
61-64
|
Headcase - you're
insane, even by Goblin standards. Gain +2 vs mental effects
|
65-68
|
Shaman's
Apprentice - you studied under the Tribe's magic-user. You learn 3 0-lvl
Adept spells, castable 3/day each
|
69-72
|
Smartarse - you
have more brainpower than the average Goblin. +2 Int
|
73-76
|
Sarge - you were
born to lead. +2 Cha
|
77-80
|
Tough - as old
leather boots! +2 Con
|
81-84
|
Sweaty - you
constantly ooze. +2 to Escape Artist
|
85-88
|
Tinkerer - you're
always fiddling with something. +2 Craft (any)
|
89-92
|
Runt - you were
the smallest of the litter. -2 Str, +2 Dex
|
93-96
|
Colour Thief -
your skin is oddly chameleonic. +2 to Stealth.
|
97-100
|
Backstabber - if
you manage to sneak up on someone, you score double damage on all attacks
they don’t expect.
|
Once you've made your Goblins, it's time to face the horrors...
Next time, I'll show my mashup of the best bits of the modules into one big chaotic mess - just right for Goblins!
